This Dying Soul
by AKissAndAGunshot
Summary: Laura feels herself breaking, and leaves in the cold. Julian follows, to try and heal her conscience. Only he can make the change.   Dream Theater songfic


A/N: Partial songfic. 'This Dying Soul' by Dream Theater. I say Partial, because with most Dream Theater songs, a songfic of the entire song could conceivably make a multi-chapter series.

Anyway, I don't think they're too OOC, but bear in mind I've actually read very little of the X-men comics (I only ever became a fan of X-23 'cos she's my favorite character in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3). If you don't want to see Julian playing psychotherapist, don't read it.

Also, it's pretty much fluff without plot. Yep. I just wanted to see Laura and Julian kissing in a forest. Heli/X forever.

X-X-X

This Dying Soul

X-X-X

Laura Kinney sat with her back against the bathroom door, blocking any entry quite effectively. She did not want to be interrupted.

Her thoughts drifted slowly back to the facility. To the people who died under her claws - both when she escaped, and before.

Many of those deaths - her mother's, for instance - had been invoked by trigger scent. She had no way of stopping those. But not all of the blood on her hands could be so easily absolved. There had been several, especially during her escape, when she had cut people down in cold blood, with her eyes open and her wits about her. She could not disclaim the guilt for those deaths.

She glanced over at the large mirror on the wall. A cold-blooded killer looked back at her.

Snikt!

Slowly, Laura began to draw crimson patterns on her exposed forearms.

X-X-X

"Hello, mirror -

I'm so glad to see you, my friend

It's been a while

Searching, fearless -

Where do I begin to heal this wound

Of self-denial?"

X-X-X

She wasn't sure why she did this, but it felt necessary. Pain was normal. She could deal with pain.

She watched drops of blood splash over white tiles. She dug her claws deeper.

She had to bleed. Punishment, if you could call it that. Every night she bled to feed the ghosts that followed her. Ghosts she had killed. They demanded her blood, and she gave it to them.

There was also that normalizing factor to it. The whole institute felt somewhat unreal to her - like she was really there as a spy or assassin and wasn't actually a student. She was constantly suppressing instincts to hide or run.

And, of course, there was Julian. The cocky, self-assured telekinetic who could take her breath away with a look.

He seemed more impossible than the rest of the institute put together. X-23, murder weapon extrordinare, could not possibly have attracted his affections. And yet she had them. She could tell just by listening to his heartbeat that he had eyes for her, and her alone.

She did not deserve him. Hundreds of people had died under her unforgiving admantium claws. Something as low as her was practically obliged to reject him. Anyway, she risked his life merely by existing.

She came to a decision: she had to leave, now, before anyone woke up. She couldn't let Julian waste his affection on a clone, a weapon, a thing. If she stayed, Julian and all the others would be at risk from her. Running was the only option - two birds with one stone.

X-X-X

"Face yourself, man!"

"Brace yourself and trace your hell back!"

X-X-X

Julian opened his bedroom door, yawning. He wandered out into the hallway.

"Hey, Keller!" It was Santo. "How's things between you and the clone, huh?" An obvious dig...

"Fuck you, Santo," said Julian, still half-asleep and not wanting an argument. He made his way to Laura's room, and knocked softly on the door.

No answer. That was unusual. She had told him that she could hear the difference when he knocked. She would normally have rushed to answer - not a day went by when Julian didn't thank any nearby deities for his luck. Even after three weeks he still found it difficult to believe that she was actually attracted to him; for all his telekinetic power, he was utterly inept when it came to the finer points of relationships.

But now she was not opening the door. Nor had she called out to say it was unlocked. She had not responded at all.

Julian's heart began to beat faster as he reached for the doorknob. Opening it as gently as possible, he stepped forward, to see a scene which had occasionally featured in his nightmares.

The room was empty, the window was open, and there was a letter on the bed.

His feet felt like lead blocks, but he somehow made it to the bed and picked up the letter.

'My dear friends, I cannot in good conscience put you at risk any longer. Please do not follow me. It would be a waste of your efforts.'

For a while, Julian sat paralyzed, willing the letter to vanish. Unfortunately, molecular control was still slightly beyond his level of telekinetic skill.

He didn't even notice as Cessily entered the room. "Julian! What are you doing here? Where's..." she trailed off, staring at the open window. "Oh no. She didn't..."

Julian finally looked up. "Yes, she did." He handed the letter to Cessily, heading for the door. "Tell the teachers I may not attend classes tomorrow, Cess."

"What are you..." realization dawned. "She said she didn't want us following her, Julian."

Julian turned around at the door, a half-grin on his face. "Relationship rules 101: you can't leave someone without hearing them out first. I never got that chance, did I?"

Cessily lowered her mercury eyebrows at him. "You made that up."

Julian's grin turned sardonic. "Damn right I did. But it's still valid. Being with someone means that you don't brood in secrecy and leave without warning. You talk and listen and help each other through difficult situations."

"Whatever," said Cessily, rolling her eyes. "Now let's talk practicalities. Do you have ANY idea how to go about a search for who is probably the world's best assassin?"

Julian's ever-present grin became silly. "Pish. I'm not about to let insignificant details get in my way. Like I said, tell the teachers I won't be in classes today, probably not tomorrow, and possibly not the day after." He took off out the window in a flare of green light.

X-X-X

"You've been blinded

Living lies - a one-way cold existence

All the while..."

"Now it's time to

Stare the problem right between the eyes

You long lost child..."

X-X-X

Twenty-one hours later, Julian was drifting over a forest. He had no idea where it was in relation to the institute beyond 'pretty far'. However, he somehow knew he was in the right place.

He let his TK flight drop, feeling an immense relief in his lower skull. He'd been flying for far too long to be safe; Ms. Frost would definitely want to examine him for psychic damage later.

The early dawn glow left a lot of the forest in shadows. Julian hesitated. He was sure she was close, but uncertain of which way to begin searching -

The shadow under a massive fallen log was a little too dark to be convincing.

"Laura?" He said as he walked forward.

No answer.

"Why did you leave, Laura?"

"Please go away, Julian," came a choked voice.

Julian nudged with his TK, floating forward silently for the last few feet. "Laura, why did you leave?"

Laura Kinney is a mess. She is dirty, and her eyes are rimmed with red. But to Julian Keller, an angel could not have looked more beautiful.

"You... you shouldn't have followed me," she manages to gasp. She shiveres violently - her healing factor cannot help body temperature.

"Shh, Laura. Don't worry." He pulls her into an embrace, holding her close. She is as cold as ice, and instinctively nestles against his warmer body. He notices tears streaming her face once more, but merely holds her close.

After a few minutes, Laura spoke. "I cannot... I cannot stay there. I am putting you all at risk. I am a dangerous weapon." She sobs violently.

Julian resorts to his half-smile, unsure exactly how to react. "Laura... just by running away, you've proved you have free will. And if you mean the trigger scent, I can restrain you before you do any damage. You've seen my TK. Heck, I've even had to do that once before, when Logan flew off the handle. You aren't putting us at any more risk than we already live at."

Laura merely sobs quietly. "Please try to understand. You aren't a risk to us. I can stop you if you somehow get hit with trigger scent, and heck - you wouldn't even be able to hurt Santo, Cessily or Kevin, no matter how crazy you got."

"I am a weapon, Julian..." Laura chokes. "I know how to move unseen and kill unheard. You can't just remove those skills from me. They are part of me!"

"I know," he says in a somewhat strained voice. The sight of Laura crying is affecting him, too. "But those skills aren't the... essence of you. They don't have to define you. You have a choice, Laura, and you chose not to live that life - so please, stop beating yourself up as if you chose otherwise."

She clutched him harder. Julian was sure he could feel his ribcage bending inwards at the pressure, but he resolutely ignored it.

"How can you do this?" She whispered.

"Do what?" He replied, somewhat mystified.

"This! You... sit here and hold me, comfort me, tell me that I am not an evil murder machine... how can you do this?"

Julian is taken aback. "You aren't an evil murder machine, Laura."

"Yes I am! I killed over a hundred people escaping from the Facility. I was not on trigger scent! I saw what I was doing and killed them anyway!" Her left hand is gripping the claws of her right. A tiny drop of blood spills from between her fingers. "I feel remorse for their deaths... but not regret..."

"Those hundred were facility personnel, right?" He asks.

"Yes..."

"Laura, I'VE killed people under those circumstances. When purifiers attacked the school and killed my friends, I went berserk and killed forty of the bastards. The sons of bitches HAD to die." He strokes her hair gently. "If you don't feel regret, that's because they didn't deserve to live. After all," he looked into her upturned eyes, "there isn't much worse than trying to turn a beautiful girl into an 'evil murder machine'. I'm sorry those purifiers had to die - but I don't regret the decision to kill them."

"I... Julian..." she looks away, ashamed.

"Laura, what do I have to do to prove that you're wonderful human being?" He sighes, looking once more into those green orbs that are only a few inches from his own. "If you are what you say you are... then I wouldn't..." he bites his lip, acutely aware of the significance of the words he is about to say. "I... I love you, Laura," he finally says, catching her trembling lips with his own.

X-X-X

"I wanna feel your body breaking

Wanna feel your body breaking, and shaking, and left in the cold..."

"I wanna heal your conscience, making a change to fix This Dying Soul

This Dying Soul..."

X-X-X

Laura can't think for a minute; she just keeps her eyes closed, completely overwhelmed by sensation. She has kissed him before, but never like this.

She ran away, and he followed her. He flew through the night, far longer than was safe for his brain to handle, just to find her and tell her that he loved her. He risked permanent loss of his power to try and talk her out of leaving.

That desperation shows through in the kiss. Finally, she understands - she has always felt worthless; an object to be owned. But to Julian, she is priceless. She cannot be bought because she is her own person, and yet he would give anything, even his TK, to be with her.

If Julian can value her so highly, perhaps she can learn to place value in herself.

Of course, she doesn't think that in so many words. A large portion of her thoughts are still taken up by 'ohmygodhesaidhelovedme!' Repeated infinitely at extreme speed.

X-X-X

"Now that you can see all you have done

It's time to take that step into the kingdom

All your sins will only make you strong

And help you break right through the prison wall..."

X-X-X

A/N: and that's a wrap!

Okay, I apologize profusely for OOC-nes, excessive fluff, or any other mechanical problem with this story. I'm not very familiar with the canon and by the time I was finished this, I was approaching 8:00 am from the wrong side.

"This Dying Soul". Dream Theater. Listen to it. It's bloody awesome.

Inspirational credit to Onelildustbunni for writing all her awesome Heli/X stories.

And remember... I feed off the souls of those people who read but don't review... 


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